What Will My Reflection Show? [Caroline]

Caroline didn't have to worry too much about sneaking. Lelianna in her current state was...well pretty oblivious to be perfectly honest. All of her thoughts were turned inward. Again and again they were replaying the same thing: that fight with the hunter. Could it have gone any differently? Frankly it could have. Lelianna had the tools and medicinal know-how that, if she had chosen to, she could have saved the boy. Or at the very least attempted to.

That was just it though: she hadn't.

She knew he would have come back. Angrier. Stronger. Better equipped to hurt Arecia even worse than he already had. She couldn't have let that happen. So in the end she'd made a decision and now...Now she simply had to come to terms with what she'd done. Which was why she was out here where she could be alone to think. Not only that, but focus on her connection with Arecia. There was still something about it that seemed different. The hermit couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. A shift in tone? Of feeling? Demeanor? Whatever the case Lelianna didn't pay attention to that at the moment. Instead she let her mind focus in on that sensation. That connection she'd formed with the woods years ago. Slowly but surely it began to drown her senses in the pure but familiar feelings of the ancient beings that surrounded her on every side. By the time the cyborg had reached her, the druid was essentially in a trance. Which only made her voice all the more surprising.

"Lelianna?"

That...wasn't Y'enthal. No that voice was really really familiar, but it was not the ancient tree who'd spoken with the hermit before. Why hadn't the surrounding plantlife warned her about someone approaching? Strange. Caorline's voice was enough to start dragging the hermit out of her nearly meditative state, albeit a little slowly. Raising her head out of her hands, Lelianna turned her gaze over to the voice. As Caroline would see she...definitely looked weary underneath that surprised expression. "C-Caroline? Oh, uh...hey." Her own voice was soft. Sort of because Caroline was speaking softly, but mainly because it just felt right in a place like this. It was a very relaxing and still place; rowdy noise simply seemed like it would disrupt that.

The druid managed to conjure up a smile for the other woman, but it neither lasted for too long nor really reached her eyes. "I ah....w-what brings you here? Though you're, um, free to explore the garden all you want really. I just didn't..." Think in a million years that someone else would show up. They'd...well that had never happened to the hermit before at a time like this.

As the cyborg took a seat next to the hermit, it scared off a few of the fish who'd gotten used to the stillness of the magi. Even so, the redhead didn't mind the other woman's presence. It was just...A little new to the druid was all. But not technically unpleasant. It was nice to have someone else to talk to that could, you know, respond without it being in grunts or growls.

Concern. Huh, well wasn't this a change in roles? And here Lelianna had brought Caroline to the festival not only to have fun (which she totally did, no worries) but to help her lighten up a little. Because then Lelianna had been the one to be concerned for Caroline! She could have chuckled at that alone, but the fact Arecia had apparently helped with finding the hermit added to it. Lelianna threw a rueful but fond smile at the nearest tree. "You little tattle-tale." The redhead accused the goliath of wood. But then she looked back at Caroline and the expression turned more apologetic than anything. "Sorry Caro; I didn't mean to worry you. Honestly." Really, that hadn't been her intention in the slightest. Which probably went to show how unused she was to having friends that would actually miss her. Arecia always knew where she was. The animals came and went on their own. They were familiar relationships.

But people? People were a lot different, it seemed.

The comment on the scenery once again drew Lelianna's attention to it. Nature always managed to calm her down. This place more than most areas. "Yeah...When I found it I didn't really do much growing here. Just a bit to the pools but the rest...It's was already perfect." The druid loved growing things, don't get her wrong at all. But nature was the master artist, and this particular piece of its canvas had been crafted so wondrously the redhead didn't want to ruin it. She'd left it nearly identical as to when she'd found it.

There was silence for a while after that. it wasn't particularly bothersome. Maybe that should have come as a shock to the redhead, who normally felt so awkward and inept around other people. But much like Caroline found her, she too found comfort in the other woman's company. Even more so after the festival. it was nice. This was nice. Perhaps not the greatest of times for the two to simply sit awhile, but nonetheless the hermit found herself appreciating it. Which was why her response to Caroline's first statement was pretty quick?

"What? Oh no, you're perfectly fine, I..." Caroline's questions, though, made the sentence trail off. Green eyes, that had flicked over towards the cyborg to assure her that yes, she could stay, now averted back to the water. Was she okay? Well, that was the whole reason she was out here wasn't it? Lelianna shut her mouth and for a time all she did was stare into the water. She nearly brushed it aside by saying everything was alright, yet she had the distinct feeling that wouldn't work this time. When Arecia got involved to actively bring someone to the hermit, then clearly something was not fine. A hand reached up to rub her face in exasperation. Just like that what strength she'd mustered for her friend seeped out of her.

"I...Um...Not...Not in particular, no." She finally admitted with a sigh as she dropped her hand. Oh look, the fish were slowly starting to come back. Lelianna focused on them. It was a lot easier for her. "I...I ran into a hunter not too long ago. You don't have to worry; he's, um...he won't be hurting Arecia, or anyone else, anymore." Now that she was talking about it-- actually verbally talking about it again-- her voice had gone quiet. "That's how I found him; he was hurting Arecia so bad that it sent for me to get involved and stop it. And I did. But I..." Here was the problem. One of the big issues she'd had with this whole thing.

"...Caroline, I killed a child."

Intruding? Oh hardly. The very fact the magi felt comfortable sitting in silence with the other woman was proof enough that Caroline wasn't intruding. Usually Lelianna felt the need to say something-- anything-- to fill up empty air between her and other people. But from time to time there came a person she didn't get that need with, and Caroline was one of them. So of course she didn't want to chase her friend off. Not from a place like this.

However the subject was a heavy one. After all, it was the reason lelianna had disappeared for a few days and why Caroline had been concerned enough to go after the magi. out of the corner of green eyes, the hermit saw Caroline tense up at the mention of the hunter. That was why she moved on so quickly to explain how there was no longer a threat. But again, that was what Lelianna had struggled with. She had killed a child; literally choked the life out of him as poison was trying to take him too. Which was also her fault. It was...a lot to deal with at the moment.

For a while they both sat in silence again. The fish slowly came back after Caroline had spooked them. Lelianna kept her eyes on them even as Caroline started speaking again. It had hurt her. In fact it still hurt. Though with her retreat into nature it was starting to hurt less. She'd done it to protect Arecia after all; the forest was going to help her in turn. But maybe it would be nice to talk to someone who could respond with words, not just feelings. Already the ones Caroline had chosen were working for the better.

"You are still my friend.”

That was...really nice to hear. The redhead raised her gaze from the waters over to Caroline. She smiled, and though it was shaky it was full of appreciation. For a moment Lelianna wanted to give her friend a hug but, well, that probably wasn't the best idea at the moment. She shouldn't push it. The green gaze turned back to the water after. "...Thank you." Said the woman just as quietly.

Now came the fun part.

Lelianna took a moment to breath before she started to explain what had happened. "Arecia had gotten my attention that something was wrong in the woods. It didn't talk to me but...I could feel it's pain. And as I got closer it only got worse and worse and-" There was a break as the hermit inhaled. "It was bad. The...the hunter was using this thing that would explode into fire and metal. A bomb of some sort. It was destroying the trees a-and the ground and everything was burnt and just so hurt, Caroline. I could see why Arecia wanted me to go. On the way I ended up saving this fairy spirit from getting eaten and together we went after the source of the destruction. I think she felt at the damage even more than I did; she was more connected to the woods than I am." Hopefully that meant the fairy was feeling better after Lelianna had tended to the injured section of the forest.

"So we ended up finding the hunter and...and he was just...he was just blowing things up! Like it didn't even matter! As if he could just do that to the forest and it wouldn't feel anything!" As she spoke of this, a bit more emotion began to seep into the woman's voice. It was pretty obvious some of that frustration from the sight hadn't gone away even now. "Then when he spotted us he immediately went after the fairy. I managed to get the bombs away from him but then he tried to go after me, but the fairy saved me, but then the hunter found the bombs and tried to blow us both up and I just-" Lelianna had gotten a bit more heated with each word until she stopped at this last one. Which a deep sigh all the fire left her, and again she just felt tired.

"And I just...I tried to capture him. To wrap him up in the vines and make him stop, but I didn't..." She started shaking her head. The tears were starting to come back; she could feel how her eyes felt tight and her sight was starting to waver. Hadn't she already cried enough? "I didn't realize which seeds I'd thrown out. They were- I had...By the time I finally got him to stop I realized they were all...poison. I could see the toxin was already nearing his heart by that point but still I-" Her voice halted for a moment. "I-I...I could have done something. Anything to try and help him. To save him."

"But I didn't."

Lelianna said those last few words so quietly, it would have been a wonder if Caroline could even hear them. the tears were definitely starting to trail down her cheeks. Her voice had gained a shaky quality to it as she'd continued, but now she ceased for a few moments. A few seconds. A minute. Complete silence until the magi breathed in and forced herself to push on. She might as well at this point to put it all out there. "I didn't. I knew that if I let him go he'd...he'd just come back. He'd hurt Arecia again. Maybe even worse than he had. So I...I killed him. He looked so young and so weak but I-I had the vines...I had them speed up the process so he wouldn't feel the final affects of the toxins. Then I buried him and...and..." She trailed off for the last time, not really finding any other words to speak as she stared into the waters.

The physical contact was...not expected.

So used to being comforted by an entity made of leaves bark or creatures of fur and fangs, the magi was a tad startled to feel something else. Again, she was not used to sharing this with another person. Yet after that initial shock she didn't hate the contact. She knew what Caroline was trying to do. It was supposed to be comforting, and in this moment more than any other it reminded the redhead of something she hadn't experienced in eight years. Lelianna leaned into the other woman, letting herself cry once again though this time without sobbing. No, she was past that point, at least.

Now it was Caroline's turn to talk and Lelianna's to listen. Lelianna kept her eyes towards the waters and the fish for the most of it. The were comforting words to hear in a sense, since they were helping to justify Lelianna's actions. And she could understand what she did. She really did get the sense that letting the hunter live and come back would have only led to even worse repercussions. There were bad people in the world. Or "Monsters"as Caroline put it. Though there was a bit of concern to be had though when Caroline's grip was starting to get uncomfortable. Lelianna looked up at her with worry, but the girl loosened her grip and glanced away fast. Looks like the talk of "monsters" was striking some cord within the other woman. What one exactly? No clue. But it was clearly upsetting the woman so that was no good.

Before Lelianna could get herself to talk though, Caroline went on. At least she was looking back at Lelianna, who'd remained looking at Caroline out of worry. The praise made her a little shy but she knew it was meant kindly and as a comfort. And truthfully yes it was working. Just not on Caroline too, obviously. Many would not have thought twice about killing that hunter, true. The redhead knew many that would not. And now apparently she knew another.

A few heartbeats passed as she looked at Caroline, who'd once again turned her head away, in silence. There was definitely more story to this. More than anything if the hermit wanted to know more about the girl, this was probably the time for her to ask. However...Caroline could reveal it herself in time. Right now Lelianna just wanted to make sure the woman felt as appreciated as she'd made her feel. Though Lelianna wasn't really sure how to go about it. So when in doubt; go with the gut.

Lelianna wiped her tears away with one hand. With the other she somewhat hesitantly reached out. "Hey." She said, softly trying to turn Caroline's head to look back at her via a hand to her cheek. "I don't think any less of you for it." It was kind of a mimic of the cyborg's earlier words, but the hermit meant every bit of it. If the woman did look back at her, the druid would offer up a small warm smile. "I...I know a lot of people that wouldn't. And honestly I can understand why." Many of the magi, if not all, in Haven would have killed that boy without batting an eye. "That doesn't mean they're terrible people. I'm still friends with them. Most of them, they're...they've been hurt. They've been hurt pretty badly. Anger comes from hurt so it makes sense how they feel. Not....not everyone's going to think how I do. I know that." It would be foolish to think otherwise. "But that doesn't mean they have to. I still think they're good people. Not perfect, but...honestly, I'd rather have good than perfect. And I do think you're good, Caroline." A tinge of sadness and concern crept into her expression. "Even if sometimes I feel like you don't believe that about yourself."

Truth be told there were a lot of unexpected things that had happened to the earth magi today. She certainly hadn’t expected Caroline to come. Nor had she thought Arecia would help the other woman find her. And when Caroline had turned out to be the one comforting her, the hermit hadn’t seen that coming either. Or the fact she’d feel perfectly fine leaning against her neighbor and spilling a portion of her heart out. Heck, or feel comfortable enough to have reached over to her in the first place to turn her head. Not only that but to keep that gaze when it came her way.

Surprises all around.

What didn’t surprise her too terribly much, sadly, was that Caroline rejected Lelianna’s final words. There was something about the woman that just…screamed hurt. Hurt, hurt, hurt. Something had happened. Something bad. Lelianna had no idea what and to be frank she wasn’t sure if she should ever know. But there were hooks dug deep and dragging this soul down. This woman who seemed so convinced she was bad despite the fact her hand was so gentle on Lelianna’s. Yet there was hope; maybe one day she could see it. That was enough to give Lelianna’s smile more happiness than sadness.

“You will.” Lelianna responded. It was soft but full of conviction. “Because you are.” Maybe the hermit didn’t know the cyborg’s past. Maybe she didn’t see where all these strings of pain were coming from. One thing she knew for sure though; if Caroline really was a monster she would have pulled that trigger the first day they met. “And I know you don’t believe it yet, but I do. All you’ve been so far is kind. Maybe I don’t know your past but…I like to think that who you are right now speaks volumes.” Speaking of the past…

Lelianna finally did look away a little. Because of course now was the time she felt a little shy in asking something. “Though I…do want to know more about you, Caroline. But I want it to be on your terms. When you feel ready to talk. Because it’s obvious somethings bugging you and I, well…" She glanced back up and gave her another smile. “…I want to help. I-In whatever way I can, if I can. I mean…you helped me.”

She really had. The earth magi still felt the weight of the death hanging on her, but it was a little lighter now. She’d never forget, that much was certain. But now maybe she’d be able to bear it a little better. “Thank you for that, by the way. I’m, ah, not really used to talking with other people about this. Usually it’s Arecia that helps me if…I get like this.” Indeed it still had. A great deal in fact. It always managed to do so. It had for eight years. With was probably why this moment was pretty damn special. “But this was…really nice. Honestly; thank you Caroline.”

Perhaps it was the spur of the moment. Perhaps it was how comfortable she felt. Perhaps it was something a fleeting memory called into action. One way or another, Lelianna gave a little action to show her appreciation. Shifting a little, the earth magi leaned up to place a quick peck of appreciation on the cyborg’s cheek. It was something her mother had used to do what felt like eons ago. The hermit figured now, of all times, would be the most appropriate time for such a thing.

Or, you know, her gut was just making her do things before thinking again.

“I’m…glad you came. Though I’m sorry I worried you.” She said it with complete honesty and more than a little sheepishness.

Comforting. yeah that was a pretty good word to use for...Well all of this. Caroline had come to comfort Lelianna and now Lelianna was comforting Caroline. Somehow it felt like an endless cycle but for once it was a good endless cycle. You didn't see many of those, did you?

Though the hermit was in for a bit of a surprise, and it showed in her eyes when Caroline went on. Apparently the redhead had been helping in more ways than she realized. The fact she was being credited for keeping Caroline from feeling lost was...no small matter. At least in her own head. Lelianna herself had been there once She knew what it was like to have no direction. When it looked like there was no other path to go. Arecia had saved her from that. Perhaps no one else would really understand just how much the forest had helped give her purpose. Yet she could understand what her neighbor was saying somewhat because of it. In a less grand scale (it was her in comparison to an ancient forest after all) she'd acted as Caroline's "Arecia," sort of. That's what she was gathering any how. And while she was a tad stunned that she'd managed to guide or assist someone so much, she gave an appreciative smile to both the forest and the cyborg. "I-I'm glad I've helped you so far then." Even if the hermit wasn't too sure herself exactly what she'd done.

Hopefully she could keep it up though!

But wow wait something happened. Caroline was stumbling over her words all of a sudden. man, it was always so strange to hear her do that. Leliana was so used to her being the stumbling awkward one. Though, lately the hermit hadn't been doing it so much around the other woman. She really must have been getting comfortable with her. And there was that word again. Comfortable. What a change after these 8 years. Though it helped make her decision. "Oh no! You can stay if you want. I wouldn't mind, really. Besides, you've never seen this part before right? It's one of my favorites." Though every section of her garden was "one of her favorites" so take this with a grain of earth (ha).

If Caroline did end up staying, Lelianna would have been perfectly content just sitting there like that for a while. However as things settled and she went back to watching the fish, something suddenly nagged at her. Unless the cyborg had moved away, the druid was still leaning into her. From an outsider's perspective it was a rather intimate position.



Much like Caroline after receiving that little kiss, Lelianna felt her cheeks suddenly burn. She retracted her hand (which she'd nearly forgotten about) from the woman's cheek. It was like she'd only now just registered the feeling of the other woman after Cadence's question echoed in her head. The good news was that some flowers started to bloom in her hair again. They popped up in a wreath around Lelianna's head, all of their petals blood red to match her cheeks. "Ah...W-Would you like to see the rest of this place?" Offered the magi in stutter speech herself. She didn't move quite yet because she feared that might be rude, but the hermit was suddenly a bit aware of how they were sitting.